Let's be honest................

My friend Constance (http://steplikeagiant.wordpress.com/) came to the studio this morning and, as usual, we chatted about a lot of things, art related and otherwise. One thing we talked about was private vs public expression (e.g. paper journaling vs blogging) and also about painting over things that almost seem too personal (or embarrassing?) to share. Self-editing and over analysis can easily become blocks to creativity…..and certainly to authenticity. I know I am not the only one who paints (or writes) things into my work that I end up covering up (or deleting). Write it all, paint it all………..be honest and get it out – there will always be plenty of time to repaint or edit.

I’ve been reading Lewis Hyde’s The Gift: Creativity and the Artist in the Modern World, http://www.lewishyde.com/pub/gift.html. After Constance left I picked it up and started a new chapter. Immediately I came upon this quote from Allen Ginsberg:

The parts that embarrass you the most are usually the most interesting poetically, are usually the most naked of all, the rawest, the goofiest, the strangest and most eccentric and at the same time the most universal….That was something I learned from Kerouac, which was that spontaneous writing could be embarrassing……that the cure for that is to write things down which you will not publish and you won’t show people. To write secretly….so you can actually be free to say anything you want.
It means abandoning being a poet, abandoning your careerism, really abandoning, giving up as hopeless – abandoning the possibility of really expressing yourself. You really have to make a resolution just to write for yourself, in the sense of not writing to impress yourself, but just writing what your Self is saying.

The late great David Foster Wallace said, “No one who is invested in any kind of art can read The Gift and remain unchanged”. Give yourself a New Year’s gift: read The Gift.

Some Things Never Change.........

Even though some things never change......here's to 2009 and CHANGE WE CAN ALL BELIEVE IN! Happy New Year.

A Good Omen for 2009

Downtown Asheville this evening.

"Happy Accidents" Release

I was honored to be asked by Billy to provide art (four paintings) for his new CD packaging. The CD, "Happy Accidents", is billed as "Funky Folk Music for the Whole Family", and includes
such soon-to-be-classics as "What Kind of Dog Are You?" and "Vitamin Alphabet". You can see the wonderfully generous Billy and others in "Hands of Hope", a community benefit concert on Sunday, December 21st at 1pm at Thomas Wolfe Auditorium. Hands of Hope is a unique program that brings social action into the classroom. For tickets and more information, go to http://www.billyjonas.com.

I Survived!

My fast is over.....I survived without incident. A few hunger pangs and a little bit of irritability (toward myself, not others!), but that was about it. it's interesting to experience hunger, of only for that long. Excuse me, I have to go eat now.

Rocco asks, "What the heck is she doing now?"

As I write this, I am in the middle of a 36 hour fast. If you think that doesn’t sound like very long, I suggest you try it! Fasting – even for a day or two – is a challenging proposition. It really shouldn’t be – we can all go without eating much longer than we think we can. I am consuming just water, green tea and a cleansing mixture (water, fresh lemon juice, maple syrup and cayenne pepper), similar to what people use while doing the “Master Cleanse” (a much longer, more serious fast for people way more committed than I am).

Aside from the obvious hunger pangs, going without food for even this long exposes how habitual our eating habits are. The impulse to open the fridge or grab a few crackers or whatever is undeniably strong – saying no to the impulse and honoring the fast forces one to be more awake and aware in general. It’s about a lot more than food (or lack of it). I read about one group of young people who decided to fast for a 24 hour period, so that they would have the experience of hunger that so many people around the world (and right here) feel every day. Putting yourself in another’s shoes can be a humbling teacher.

Fasting is also a test of will: Me against Me – the little devil on one shoulder whispering, “This is really stupid! You know you are weak! Have a cookie!” and the little angel on the other saying, “You can do this! You’re strong!”

By far the biggest test of will I have experienced is in running marathons. I have run fifteen and – although each one was different – one thing is constant: there will always be many times during that 26.2 miles when that little devil is screaming at you to stop….”why are you doing this?? how stupid is this!!” etc. But there is nothing more exhilarating than crossing the finish line in what can only be described as an altered state, completely drained and stripped down to your core, no defenses left….knowing that you did it.

As you can see, my cat Rocco thinks I’m nuts. I will write again tomorrow morning, after the first 24 hours. Stay tuned for a fascinating story of self deprivation. You’ll laugh! you’ll cry!! you’ll want to eat!!

I want to buy this building.

My husband and I were walking in Montford the other day and came across what used to be the "Welfare Baptist Church". It is now empty and is for sale at $129,900. I used to run by it and hear the singing, and one Sunday my neighbor Richard and I decided to attend services. There was plenty of singing and testifying....we were there for at least two hours and were warmly welcomed. Apparently the congregation merged with another small church. The main floor – what was the sanctuary - would make an incredible studio. 1300 sq ft, one big room. Downstairs (ground level) is another 1300 sq ft. that could be an apartment. The building clearly it needs a lot of work. I’m going to try to go look at it next week.

Of course I find a potentially perfect studio when I am having the worst sales year I’ve had in ten years, and I do not exactly have the means to jump on this (understatement). So I am putting the word out to the Universe ("Hey, Universe!!! Can you hear me?"), just in case someone decides to become my patron and buy it for me. Or even become a partner in buying it and eventually fixing it up. Anyone?? Anyone?? Well, there’s no harm in trying.

A Naked Picture of ME!

This is one of my favorite early pictures of myself. It was taken in my next door neighbor’s back yard in New Jersey in the ‘50’s. I am guessing I was about 3. The two other kids are obviously having fun and what am I doing?? Staring into space, it seems. I was a serious child, or at least I often looked like one. It looks (and most likely felt) to me like I was from an entirely different tribe. My early days of alienation, I suppose. To put a more positive spin on it, I was having a moment of realizing my place in the Universe and I was awed by it. “Who am I? What am I doing in this basin?”
As for the other kids, Holly became a Mormon and had nine or ten children. Poor Peter had both his legs amputated due to severe rheumatoid arthritis when he was a teenager. He did remarkably well in an era when the handicapped were often shunned and there were no laws to protect and accommodate them. He even drove a car. Sadly, he died in his 50’s.
Here’s to the Martine Avenue Gang and all our neighborhood fun. The Cold War was on, but we felt safe and protected in our innocent world of swimming in tiny rubber pools, playing “sardines”, and eating out of dry Kool Aid packs behind the garage.

The great "Beer Oracle" spotted in Asheville!

Last night at a post Studio Stroll party, I was enjoying a Payne's Pale Ale from The Wedge, our neighborhood brewery who provided beer for the event. I looked down and this is what I saw!! Could it be that the late great John Payne was joining the party and having a laugh with us?? or could it be the face of Barack?? The Virgin Mary?? Elvis?? Mr Bill? Whoever it was, the message was clear: don't worry! be happy! The best is yet to come.

I Owe it all to Winky Dink

My earliest artistic influence was a character called Winky Dink. I credit (and sometimes curse) Windy Dink with instilling a love of drawing in me at a very tender age. The following is courtesy of Wikipedia:

Praised by Microsoft mogul Bill Gates as "the first interactive TV show", the show’s gimmick was a "magic drawing screen", which was a large piece of vinyl plastic which was held on the television screen via static electricity. A kit containing the screen and various Winky Dink crayons could be purchased for 50 cents. (wow, I’m really dating myself here….) At a climactic scene in every Winky Dink short, Winky would arrive upon a scene which contained a connect the dot picture. He would then prompt the children at home to complete the picture, and the finished result would help him continue the story. Examples include drawing a bridge to cross a river, an axe to chop down a tree, or a cage to trap a dangerous lion. Many children would omit the Magic Screen and draw on the television screen itself, to the annoyance of their parents. (I never drew on the screen, btw, though I will admit to annoying my parents in plenty of other ways.)

I still use imagery that I drew on that Magic screen: ladders, boats, bottles… I helped Winky Dink out of many a jam, and in return he turned me into a budding artist. Thanks, Winky! (and darn you, Winky!)

Commitment

My husband Frank made his commitment clear........(yes, it's real).

The Boss and The Boss

Election Day: Can the USA "Rejoin the World"?

Another perfect Fall Day in Asheville.............and an historic day for the country, I hope...the beginning of a tough but rewarding climb out of the economic and spiritual morass the USA has sunk into during the past eight years. Just think how the rest of the world will see us if we elect Barack. Maybe people will begin to forgive our government its hubris.

Nicholas Kristof's column in the Sunday NY Times was titled, "Rejoin the World". His suggested ways the US could signal and new beginning and "re-friend" our allies (and make some new friends.....). One suggestion was to close Guantanamo Prison and turn in into a research center on tropical diseases that afflict poor countries. Another was to cooperate with other countries on humanitarian efforts, including family planning. And probably most importantly, he suggests that "The new President should signal that we will no longer confront problems just by blowing them up".

What a concept.

Here's hoping we are celebrating tonight.

The Latest from Saint Bob

I’ve been listening to Bob Dylan’s Tell Tale Signs nearly nonstop for the past couple of days. This two disc bootleg set covers Dylan's past 20 years, a period that produced the albums Time Out of Mind, Love and Theft, Modern Times and Oh Mercy. The alternate takes give you a glimpse into his creative process as they seem to show the evolution of his work - we get two previously unreleased acoustic versions of “Mississippi” and two completely different takes on “Dignity”, to name a few. You can almost feel the songs taking shape lyrically and musically. As always in a bootleg release, there is also a lot of incredible work that somehow ended up on the cutting room floor. One example is “Red River Shore”, originally recorded for Time Out of Mind. Here’s the first line:

Some of us turn off the lights and we live in the moonlight shooting by
Some of us scare ourselves to death in the dark to be where the angels fly

I’ve seen Bob many times, most recently with Elvis Costello opening, solo acoustic. I have to admit when Bob and his band started to play, I wanted to see him solo acoustic…..so I could actually hear all the lyrics and enjoy the nuances of the performance. I don’t think he ever appears solo anymore, so this recording may be the closest I’ll get to that. The arrangements are spare and there is nothing to obscure not only his voice and the lyrics, but everything else he infuses into each song.

I could go on and on…..but I have to go listen to it again…………..

(unrelated p.s. Don't for get to VOTE!)

Now I get it............

After agonizing over using just three tubes of paint last week, I decided my experiment was "interesting" but not something I really wanted to pursue. Then I started another small piece, and halfway through it I noticed something was different: no cad red! no indian yellow! not even much blue. This little painting manages to do what I tried too hard to do last week: it has a muted, more subtle palette. So, once again, change comes at its own pace. If I just keep plugging away and trying my funny little experiments, something eventually does happen - even though it is never quite when or what I had expected. Once again, it may seem that I am making a mountain out of a molehill, but it's all part of the process - and the longer I paint, the more subtle the changes.

The Crossword Puzzle Saga, Part 2

Finally, after an inordinate number of hours of work, I finished constructing my first crossword puzzle. After all that head banging, the fun part was writing the clues. A couple that I am most proud of: Equine victim of taxidermy - "Trigger"; Helmet head holder - "Aquanet". I submitted it to Will Shortz, NY Times Crossword Editor, yesterday. Apparently it takes a long time to get a reply, so I am not holding my breath. I also sent Will a few postcards of my work along with the submission - clearly I am drawn to the grid. In a way, constructing the puzzle mirrored my painting process: one change in one box almost always leads to an seemingly endless set of changes all over the grid.

Cleansing My Palette?

My dear (and very tidy) friend Constance http://steplikeagiant.wordpress.com/ restricts her palette to six colors (plus white). Here is my work table paired with hers:

Not only is her palette limited, it is very deliberate and cerebral, a la Joseph Albers. Her work table, like her painting, reflects this studied approach, whereas mine exposes the chaos in which I usually work. My colors choices can appear to be wild and random, though there is actually a degree of method to my madness.

Anyway, while in New York recently, I saw the Morandi show (see my post of September below) at the Met and marveled at his subdued palette (among other things). I’ve been thinking a lot about color lately........so…….last week I decided to experiment: I randomly (of course!) picked three tubes of paint: Alizarin Crimson, Indanthrone Blue, Quinacridone Gold (plus black and white) and began a small piece using just those colors. Ouch.! As I worked and moved from square to square attempting to balance the images and tones, I had to occasionally slap my own hand so that I would not pick up a Cadmium Red or an Indian Yellow. How do I use just these three colors (which, of course, I grew tired of quickly) and keep the work vibrant, and not let it get muddy or monochromatic? (An aside for anyone reading who is not an artist - we see our own work under a microscope: small changes that go unnoticed to most people loom huge in front of us……)

I am used to pairing complementary colors; with this subdued palette I had to rely on a different eye, one I don’t have a name for. Lots of questions arise: should I go back and study color theory again?? Have I lost the ability to be subtle? (Did I ever have it??) If intense color equals a certain kind of energy in my work, how does a less intense palette translate? No answers, but plenty of questions. The bottom line is, I would have to repeat this “three color” experiment at least ten times - do a lot more paintings - before I could begin to made real sense of it. Time will tell if I choose to do that. A part of me fears that without vivid color, I would simply disappear and wake up in a muted world – like The Wizard of Oz in reverse.

And as is often the case, I notice choices I make along the way only when the piece is finished or nearly finished. Often these hit me like a ton of bricks and a big loud “Duh!”. For this piece, I opted to put a palette image right smack in the center. I would like to say that it was premeditated, but nope. Sometimes my best decisions are made in spite of myself, so to speak.

So here is the little painting – tah-dah! - next to a same size (12” x 12”) piece using my “normal”, (i.e. everything-but-the-kitchen-sink) palette:

Are they noticeably different? I don't think so. (btw, the "muted" one is on the left....) Is one more successful because of the color? I don't think so. Is one more accessible? I don't think so.?? Do the colors complement the imagery? I hope so. There is really very little difference.

When all is said and done, what matters is not the finished painting, but the questions that lead me to try this little experiment....as well as the ever fascinating process of putting the paint on the canvas.

NYC Photos amid blog frustration

Why is my spacing all wrong?????????? I edited the previous post numerous times, and still it comes out with big gaps. sorry! Please bear with me as I try to get better at this.

Okay, let's try a few random photos from the streets of New York:

New York New York New York

Having just spent a few days in NYC, I am happy to report the Art scene is alive and well – I would even call it “thriving” - despite the abysmal economic situation. I spent most of my time in Chelsea, where there is an air of exuberance and much diversity to be found…..and to my delight, an abundance of painting. Very little strictly conceptual work (at least in the galleries I managed to see – there are probably 200 in Chelsea alone). Here are snapshots of some of the work I found most inspirational:



Noel Grunwaldt at Stellan Holm Gallery
Elegant and ominous watercolors and ink drawings of birds, eerily suspended between life and death. Beautiful paintings about death and decay – I love the inherent contradiction. There were also six small silver sculptures which were cast from the actual remains of the dead birds.





Dusty Boyton at Denise Bibro Gallery
Large,loosely painted exhuberant canvasses inhabited by a motley cast of human and animal characters. These paintings power lies in the tension that arises out of visual and emotional contradiction - they convey equal parts irreverence, fear, elation, humor, pathos. It took me awhile walking around the gallery to really “get” this work…….but once I did, I loved them all. The big, cartoonish imagery was deceptively simple at first – this was a good reminder that well conceived art takes time to appreciate.




Xiaoze Xie “Acts and Scenes” at Charles Cowles Gallery
I don’t know anything about this painter, whom I assume is Chinese. These were enormous monochromatic paintings of mostly American politicians sitting at tables, whispering to each other etc. The most striking was this one of a soldier being transferred out of what appears to be a combat zone in Iraq. A chilling statement which also reads beautifully as an abstract piece.




Duston Spear “Floating World” at Sara Tecchia Gallery
This is a woman after my own heart – she cuts up her old canvasses and work clothes and reassembles them into new bodies of work. These paintings depicted battle scenes which she desribes as representing her own “internal civil war” of creating art. Again, she creates beauty out of certain destruction. Foot soldiers, horsemen, and archers form battalions locked in close combat.

Kristin Moran at Anna Kustera Gallery
These were knock out paintings that I am still trying to understand – this one looks like something exploding in the middle of a contemporary kitchen.

I don't remember who the artist is.....sorry.....but this painting made me laugh out loud - at the bottom it says, "Some cannibals were eating a clown when one said, "does this taste funny to you?'"

More NYC pix to follow in next post.

Puzzling

I’ve been doing the NY Times crossword puzzle daily for about 15 years. Even when I am traveling in another country, I will find it in the International Herald Tribune. I have to finish it every day. However, it’s more than just a compulsion: it’s a great escape for me…..it’s almost meditative: it’s probably the one time during the day when I’m not anxious about anything (except maybe finishing, but that’s different…..). Some people time themselves – hard for me to imagine. Why would I want to rush through something I enjoy so much?

For those of you unfamiliar with this obsession, the puzzle starts out being fairly easy on Monday and progresses through the week, getting harder each day. There is a common misconception that the Sunday puzzle is the most difficult, but actually it is simply the biggest. The reigning king of the crossword is Will Shortz, who has edited the NY Times puzzle since 1993. Shortz designed his own college major in "Enigmatology". Clearly the right man for the job.

On a day when I solve a particularly difficult puzzle, I have been known to scrawl “genius!” across the top of the page. I once confessed this to a puzzler friend of mine, who laughed and admitted she did the same thing….we are a bunch of odd ducks. We are in good company, though – some others in this cult include Bill Clinton, John Stewart, and Bob Dole.

Recently I decided to take it to the next level – no, I’m not going to go to the annual tournament and compete – I’ve decided to attempt to construct a puzzle. I had been using a Scrabble board, but I recently discovered that an Excel spread sheet works much better.

So yesterday I began in earnest to construct a 15 square by 15 square puzzle. There is a website for puzzle constructors called Cruciverb (www.cruciverb.com) , where I was able to find all the rules and standards: no two letter words, no single "dangling" letters,etc. Writing the actual clues for the puzzle will be the icing on the cake, the easy part…right now the challenge is to juggle words and phrases into a coherent grid.

Of course now the problem is I can’t stop working on it. I get an elegant long string of words like “REARVIEWMIRROR” only to have it fall apart when I try to intersect the last two “down” words through it. It’s very hard to let go of something as clever as “AVOIDCACTI”, but eventually it must be done. Letting go……yet another lesson in letting go. It’s a lot like when a corner of a painting is working perfectly but nothing else is, and I finally have to let go of that precious corner and work with the piece as a whole.

Okay, I have to get back to my puzzle now.

Felines Make Me Happy

I said I would post something more uplifting next, so here it is: my kitties, Bella and Rocco. More on Art and Life later, but for now this is it - mysterious cats and their beauty.

"Extraordinary Rendition"

When I was first heard this term on an interview on NPR’s Fresh Air last week, I thought I was hearing wrong…..extraordinary rendition…doesn’t it sound like a particularly beautiful drawing, a perfect representation of an image? To me it implies something lovely and beneficent…..it even sounds a bit like divine intervention. But, the sad truth is that our post 9/11 government coined this esoteric euphemism to mean this:
Extraordinary rendition is the apprehension and extrajudicial transfer of a person from one state to another, particularly with regard to the alleged transfer of suspected terrorists to countries known to torture prisoners or to employ harsh interrogation techniques that may rise to the level of torture. (Wikipedia)
What?? Yes, it’s true. The interview was with a Canadian man of Syrian origin who had been picked up at JFK after 9/11 - for no good reason other than his name - and deported to Syria (where he had never been) for “questioning” AKA torture. He was imprisoned in a tiny, coffin like cell for nine months while being intermittently tortured for information he did not have. His case is now before the Second Circuit Court of Appeals.
While I don’t intend for this blog to be political, I haven’t been able to get this out of my mind. What’s been most profound to me (beyond, of course the shock of hearing this man’s story) is the insidious abuse of the power of language. How something that sounds so lovely and harmless can represent something too hideous to comprehend.
Okay, that’s all about that. I promise to find something optimistic to write about next.

A bit more about Morandi.....

Friday's New York Times Arts section includes a review of the Morandi show at the Met by Holland Carter. Toward the end of the review, Holland writes about Morandi's later years when "his hand lost its steadiness, his eyesight was, perhaps, failing. But he didn't rest. Why?" Holland's nearly poetic answer ends the article:

The work goes on. Because it is controllable reality. It is a form of thinking that frees up thought. It is time-consuming, but time-slowing, isolating but self-fulfilling. It is a part of life, but also a metaphor for how life should be: with everything in place, every pattern clear, every rhyme exact, every goal near."

Wow.

Me, Myself and Morandi

I’ll be in New York mid-October, and one of the things I’m most looking forward to seeing is a major Morandi show at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. One of my art heroes, Georgio Morandi (1890-1964) painted simple still lives - inhabited by vases, bowls, bottles and jugs - almost exclusively throughout his long career. His restrained style, subtle use of color and focus on a limited set of objects has always fascinated and delighted me. Although I can’t seem to help but to be a “Maximalist” myself, I secretly long to paint spartan, spare, subtle pictures. Maybe it’s simply the attraction of opposites. In any case, I often think of Morandi when I struggle with how to move forward in the studio, how to stay true to my vision and keep things lively without feeling like I am walking in a circle, imitating myself.

For many years, I moved through bodies of work somewhat quickly, holding onto the assumption that in order to evolve as an artist, I needed to continue to change and re-invent myself. I would push to where I felt that I had explored a format or a set of images, then dutifully move on to something new, working to take whatever I had learned into new creative territory. This approach served me well for quite a few years, but I began to feel unsettled, and it wasn’t until a couple of years ago that I had my Morandi Moment: I realized that what I in fact needed to do was to do essentially the same thing over and over again, but do it better. Find the subtleties, push deeper rather than wider. Walking in a circle is fine, as long as it becomes a kind of an upward spiral. I come back around to the same place, but it’s different, it’s with a new perspective. The images I use fade away, morph, regenerate, and are made anew as I discover new ones.

The risk in working this way is, of course, that the casual viewer may only see the “same old” when they look at even the newest work. The slow, quiet evolution is evident mostly only to me and a few close friends/observers. Although as an artist I must pay attention to what others think, write and say about my work, essentially it is I who must decide what is most important. And in the long run, it’s all between me, myself and I ….and maybe Morandi.

Books

I discovered Shelfari, a widget that lets me display some recent books I have read and that I recommend. No deep thoughts today, just good books.

I am one of those people who grouses that blogging is no more than a narcissistic pursuit, at best an electronic journal which – for some unknown reason – people want others to read. What would motivate me to post thoughts and observations so casually for anyone to share (and judge)? My thoughts are my own, aren’t they? Hard as it is for me to admit, I have begun to believe that this assertion works against me. While I have always had a rich and active interior life, I have valued it to a fault, more often than not keeping “it” to myself. So how do I make this endeavor constructive for me as well as entertaining and informative and hopefully thought provoking for others?

The fact that I don’t know quite what I will write about has also stopped me from ever considering blogging. I kept paper journals for years, scribbling like crazy, every idea or fear or feeling – but of course these notebooks were kept under lock and key (so to speak……I’m not actually that nuts). But as I check in with friends’ blogs, I see the myriad of ways one can approach doing this. Yes, in a way it’s all about the Blogger (me me me!), but there are many ways to go – from simply posting up to date images and information about my work and exhibitions to writing about a book, movie or article that has informed and/or moved me; tracing the evolution of a painting with serialized text and imagery; posting photos and observations while I am traveling, be it to another country or to visit my 93 year old father; reviewing a local art exhibit.
A friend of mine, a realtor in southern California, wrote a unexpected and totally entertaining blog entry about how she found God (in a manner of speaking…) in the mosh pit while accompanying her teen aged daughter to a concert. Who knew? So, anything can happen. and I will try to stay open to whatever comes along – within me and without me (a la the Beatles) - and begs to be written about.

So, thus begins this big experiment from Me, The Reluctant Blogger.